How I don't do it all

Now that I have four children, I'm getting the "how do you do it all?" questions more than ever. I could, when answering, delve into the importance of scheduling. Or how much it helps to have a husband who works in the home. Or how I brainstorm while vacuuming and drink up inspiration while reading to my girls.

All of that is true. But the answer I often forget to give--which is really more important--is this: I don't. I don't do it all. Now that I have four kids, I don't find time to write 1000 words every day like I did when I had three. I don't clean out my microwave and wipe down my refrigerator shelves every Monday, even if my schedule tells me to. I have whole patches of garden where the weeds are taking over. My husband and children have to pick out unmatched socks from a basket, because I don't get around to matching them all up. I don't read three books a week any more. I'm lucky if I finish one.

In the past, and sometimes still, this has caused a lot of anxiety. If I didn't do it all, I thought, I was a failure. I'd push aside the laundry basket full of unfolded clothes to climb into bed, thinking, "I'm so pathetic. I'm failing my family." Chances are, on those days, that same feeling of discontent with myself was clouding my mood and actions all day. Those were the days I'd write a paragraph and decide, "That's awful. I can't write anymore--and anyway, I should get a load of laundry in." They were the days my six-year-old would ask me to play a game with her and I'd sigh and say, "Just let me get these dishes washed first." Or my two-year-old would spill milk at lunch and I'd sigh (again) while asking her why she couldn't be more careful. Then her too-smart-for-her-britches older sister would give the very true answer "Because she's only two, Mama!" and I'd warn her not to talk back to me. Those days.

Doesn't every mother have them, whether they're writers or artists or homeschoolers or gardeners or the oxymoronic "just moms"?

I'd like to present you with my perfect moment of realization and inspiration, the clincher that showed me how backwards my outlook had become. But it was gradual. It involved a lot of soul-searching, much praying, and a couple really well-timed quotes on Pinterest. (Hey, God uses many mouthpieces.) But here's what I eventually learned:

If I told myself that I needed to do everything in order to be a good person, I was lying to myself and I was being prideful. No one is called to do everything. We are all called to make the best use of the time we have. Sometimes that means folding laundry instead of writing, but not often. Usually it means offering up some unmatched socks to play a game with my girls. To be okay with overlooking some weeds in the garden to take time and enjoy the flowers together. Just when I was starting to come to this conclusion myself, a dear writer friend sent me the link to this amazing post. I'll just quote a bit here: "God is not asking you to do what He does not give you the time (or heath, or resources) to do. So be at peace." It discusses the importance of prioritizing your life, and at making times for the really, really important things...which are probably the most overlooked in the chaos of laundry and meals and social obligations.

Things like praying. And enjoying the life you have instead of the one you see in your head, with the perfectly organized closets and sock drawers. And, for me, writing. Somewhere along this path I re-read Madeleine L'Engle's Walking on Water, in which she explained how she was always a better mother for being a writer, too. When she didn't write--neglecting a task she saw as a calling--she didn't like herself very much and her children didn't like her as much, either. It's so true; but you have to let your pride in that sparkling sink pass away. Because you just can't always have both.

When you get too caught up in having a perfectly-clean house,
not only will you be disappointed in the results, you'll never have the fun of making a mess or two.

I'll end with a few of those perfectly-timed Pinterest quotes, shall I? I hope they give you the inspiration you need today to let some of the unimportant things go.

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant." -Robert Louis Stevenson

"Every circumstance is a chance for you to practice being the person you truly want to be." -Marianne Williamson

"When I am constantly running there is no time for being. When there is no time for being there is no time for listening." -Madeleine L'Engle

P.S. We have "baby butterflies" AND baby wrens. Which are so...darn...cute I almost can't stand it. Just keeping you updated. :)