Weird things that make me feel better about my writing...

Published authors: I owe you my gratitude. You've done something--probably without thinking much about this aspect--that gets me through the darkest days of self-doubt and WIP-hatred. You've put your books out there in the world...where complete idiots can give them lousy reviews. Okay, so there even some well-written and carefully-considered bad reviews--and I'm grateful for those, too. Because they remind me that someday, someone is going to hate my book...and that's going to be great. Because I'll be in your company. And because there's also going to be somebody (like me) who loves it.

So here's my secret. Whenever I'm having a hard writing day, I search Amazon or Goodreads reviews of my very, very favorite books and click right on the one star reviews.

Here, for example, is one Goodreads reviewer's insight into Anne of Green Gables:
"Boo!It's boring as hell! I never finish it. This book hasn't got any conflict at all which for me doesnt worth reading. I wonder why this book (just like To Kill A Mockingbird which is also boring) is in "The best book ever". It's totally ridiculous. I have to read 500 pages just to find out about a little girl's boring flat life. It really wasted my time, and money to buy this book in the first place."

The one star reviews of The Scarlet Pimpernel criticize it for being boring and anti-socialist..or just "messed up":
"This is like a messed-up version of Robin Hood. I don't like it. I don't like it at all."

Whereas the negative reviewers of Jean Webster's Daddy Long Legs thought it was "creepy" and too socialist:
"A tiresome tract for socialism. Mean-spiritedness masquerading as high spirits."

Not all bad reviews are illogical or mean, though--and these are often the most encouraging, since I know if I'm ever published I'll have to deal with plenty along the same lines. I include the name of the following reviewer of The Graveyard Book, because she is an author whose work I greatly admire:

Janet Fox
I may be the only reader who feels this way, but while I liked this book, I didn’t love it. The concept of the child Bod being raised in a graveyard is intriguing, but the threat is odd and intangible, and never fully explained, which in this case makes for more confusion than mystery. The novel just didn’t seem to hang together. Perhaps I was jaded by having read the story that formed its nucleus, published some years ago, and now forms chapter 4. I liked that story, but The Graveyard Book didn’t grab me.









Of course, I did kinda want to shake the person who wrote this one, on the same book:
Sarah rated it 1 of 5 stars
This book was TERRIBLE. I couldn't even finish it. I don't think I even made it to page one hundred. I'd heard a lot of good things about this book, so I was expecting good literature. I didn't get it. At first, I found it pretty interesting, a little weird maybe, but, hey, who am I to judge mild weirdness? Then it just got weirder. And stupider. And less interesting. Plus I hated the main character. He was such a brat. The kind of kid you see in the supermarket screaming at his mother, that everyone thanks god they aren't related to. Then, he goes away with weird creatures. Ghouls, goblins, whatever, I was DONE. I COULD NOT READ ANOTHER WORD. I STOPPED CARING. ACTUALLY, I HOPED SOMETHING REALLY BAD WOULD HAPPEN TO THIS STUPID KID SO THAT HE'D ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING. BUT I DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO KEEP READING AND FIND OUT. 

And finally, here's an eloquent reader's opinion of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. If someone wrote this about my book, I'm not sure whether I would laugh or cry first...but I'm pretty sure I would do both:

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Terrible bookMarch 19, 2013
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
I hated this book!!!!!!!!!!!:p. :p :p this book is poop crap poop crap poop crap poop crap poop crap poop crap!!!!!!!! Omg why is this book so boring??????

So....do you feel better about your writing yet? :)

Comments

  1. I particularly like the "poop crap" review. Absolutely hysterical! I doubt the reviewer knew how funny and quite pathetic he was!

    This must also make you feel better about your writing: http://www.shorelinearts.org/pdf_docs/2013%20Winners%20&%20Finalists%20Tassy.pdf

    Congratulations!

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    1. Thanks, Rose. :) It was definitely a bright point!

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  2. Great post Faith. I confess I've never gone in search of bad reviews of books I love, but boy was it therapeutic and funny.

    One thing I've learned is that when I love a book, the flaws do not detract from the enjoyment.

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    1. You're right--books are like people in that we don't decide to stop loving them because they have quirks or flaws. Of course, there are always people who won't be able to see past the flaws--or, perhaps, who don't like to see their own flaws reflected?

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  3. This is a great idea and totally worthwhile.
    And I, too, love the poop crap poop crap poop crap poop crap poop crap review!

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    1. Yeah, when I saw that on Amazon, all I could imagine was all the witty responses Mark Twain must be thinking of from his grave. :)

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  4. Ho! You made me smile.
    xx
    (And p.s. Rope for jump rope--sometimes the most obvious uses escape me. xx)

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    1. I'm glad I could make you smile, Sharon! Your posts always do the same for me. :)

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  5. I don't know that I'm really comforted by bad reviews, but these do make me smile. :)

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  6. My favorite is the review of The Scarlet Pimpernel: "This is like a messed-up version of Robin Hood. I don't like it. I don't like it at all." Can't you just picture some grumpy kid who HAD to read it for school? Now THAT'S messed up!

    This is a five star idea, and one of the most enjoyable blog posts I've read in ages.

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