In which a darling is killed
In order to KEEP WRITING WRITING WRITING EVERY DAY FOR GOODNESS' SAKE (Sorry...I just read Eloise to the girls and it doesn't wear off for a few hours...), I kinda accidentally took my revision in the entirely wrong direction. The good news is that most of the changes weren't needed. The bad news is that I had to "throw away" a month of work.
But I thought before it's relegated to a "DELETED STUFF" file in Google Drive, I'd share with you one of my darlings that was very hard to part with. Here's the now-old new beginning of CIRQUE:
The candlelight spilled out of the brass chandeliers like wine from a barrel. It flowed over the audience, into the ring, about the performers. Rivulets of light rushed past the horses' hooves as they danced, and a dewy drop of it sparkled in the eyes of the twelve-year-old girl who hid herself in the wings and watched.
Juliette Durand had felt the darkness pressing against her for so long; now that she tasted the light she was drunk with it.
Sigh. Good bye, my darling. Our time together was lovely while it lasted. Anyway, it's not you...it's me.
But I thought before it's relegated to a "DELETED STUFF" file in Google Drive, I'd share with you one of my darlings that was very hard to part with. Here's the now-old new beginning of CIRQUE:
The candlelight spilled out of the brass chandeliers like wine from a barrel. It flowed over the audience, into the ring, about the performers. Rivulets of light rushed past the horses' hooves as they danced, and a dewy drop of it sparkled in the eyes of the twelve-year-old girl who hid herself in the wings and watched.
Juliette Durand had felt the darkness pressing against her for so long; now that she tasted the light she was drunk with it.
Sigh. Good bye, my darling. Our time together was lovely while it lasted. Anyway, it's not you...it's me.
Ah! I love this! I want to read the rest with this beginning. The light feels so "warm" here.
ReplyDeleteWell if you can't keep it in this story, hang on to it anyway just to remember how awesome it is!
Thanks, Rachel! I do like the feel with the light, but I think I'll be able to incorporate that into the other version.
DeleteFaith, this is lovely. It has a very "poetry for adults" quality to it.
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you. I actually had to cut it BECAUSE it seemed too adult for the voice of my MC... but it's hard to make that incision. ;)
DeleteI feel your pain! I just finished a book by Gail Carson Levine - Writing Magic, and in it she says to save every deleted bit. I hope you do. Especially one like that!
ReplyDeleteI just finished that, too! It's full of very good advice.
DeleteI feel like I should be dressed all in black. :)
ReplyDeleteI think that would be appropriate, Don! :) I think the standard practice is to stay in mourning for a year, right?
DeleteAw, Faith, I know that feeling. And I especially hate going down the wrong path for a month or two or even years. My historical out-take file could be a novel all on its own. Save those bits ... they can come in handy for an article or short story.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should rename the file: Dead Darling ...
Ooh, I like that idea for a file name! I think I will... :)
DeleteGorgeous! I have a file for "deleted scenes", too, and there have been times that I've actually gone back and used some stuff in it. But for the most part, those words stay there, never to be used again.
ReplyDeleteYup. It's worth saving for that one time in a hundred... but funny how you usually end up seeing that your new words are better anyway.
DeleteLove that last sentence especially. The light seems tangible. But yes, sometimes we have to nix our fave lines...or work them in elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heather! I do have hopes that this'll make it into something...somewhere..someday. Golly, I'm starting to sound like West Side Story now. :)
DeleteOooh, that draws me right in. Too bad it has to go.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we can comfort ourselves with the fact that as we become better writers, it stands to reason that a lot of what we're casting out is well written...
Good point--that is immensely comforting, actually!
DeleteThank you!
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ReplyDeleteFaith, you are such a beautiful, lyrical writer! Save those words, for I have a feeling they may find a new home in another spot in your story.
ReplyDelete