Five Ways to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child Survive the Holidays.

Have any of you read the book Quiet, by Susan Cain? For me, it was one of those eye-opening experiences that helped me understand why I was the way I was. More importantly, it helped me understand my children.

Everyone in my family is what Cain calls "highly sensitive"--for a full description, go here. In a nutshell, being highly sensitive involves having stronger reactions to the input we get from our senses. We tend to be introverts--but we aren't always, as in the case of my oldest daughter. We tend to be a little (or a lot) OCD, or at least perceived that way because things like strong sounds and sights and textures and disorganization can drive us crazy.

On the flip side, we feel things deeply, which makes us particularly empathetic and appreciative of beauty. As Father Romano Guardini wrote in his book Learning the Virtues, 

"Every mode of being has a positive side and a negative... We have attained great wisdom if we have learned that we cannot pick and select among the foundations of existence, but must accept the whole... The person of strong feelings who tastes the joys of existence must also endure its pains and sorrows. No one can expect to keep the one and reject the other, but if he wishes to live true to reality, he must accept his own nature."

Reading Susan Cain's book helped me begin to do that.

My family has differing levels of sensitivity, and different areas in which it most effects us. I'm really sensitive to sounds and sights, so being in a crowded room is hard for me. I've always laughed at my tendency to fall asleep during action movies, but I think my body is triggering that reaction in response to the stress the violence creates. My oldest daughter, though she's an extravert and needs to be around people, can become very overwhelmed by interpersonal stress. She also has an acute sense of taste and can smell things a mile away that the rest of us can't smell when they're right under our nose.

And then my baby girl... she's just sensitive to everything. Sometimes just going to church on Sunday is difficult for her, because not only are there crowds, there's music and talking and incense and candles and strangers wanting to shake her hand and...life. People who don't know her very well think that she never smiles, because they tend to see her in social environments which don't make her happy.

If your children are like this, they're probably highly sensitive. And you're probably dreading the next month for their sake. Here are some things that have helped us--I hope they'll be useful to you as well!

1. Focus on the spiritual, not on the physical. 

This is my #1 rule, because it can change your whole approach to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Thanksgiving is about thanking God for the gifts he's given us. It is not about shopping, and it doesn't have to be about a big party. Since you probably will be at a big party, just remember that your HSC (highly sensitive child) will need a lot of breaks. Take her outside for a little while...find a quiet corner and read him a book for five minutes. A little recharge can go a long way.

Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ, but celebrating really doesn't have to involve craziness. Say "no" to parties when you can, and find recharge times at the ones you feel you should attend.

2. Don't go shopping.

Really. At least don't take your HSC with you. Even though I find the lights and jingle bells and cinnamon-scented pine cones  pretty, all that sensory input can get really overwhelming. Shop online or, better yet, hand make your gifts.

3. Don't overdecorate your house.

Highly sensitive people can get really overwhelmed by what we see as clutter. By all means, hang up the holly and set out the Nativity scenes--but try to remove a standard decoration for each new one you put up.

At least in my experience, natural decorations like spruce trees and greenery can actually be relaxing. Knick knacks and sparkly garlands...not for long stretches.

4. Don't overload on presents.

Celebrating with gifts is wonderful--trust me, I'm a real "gifts person," so sometimes this point can be a challenge for me. But too many things, too much time spent tearing open loud, super-colorful wrapping paper, too many piles of toys under the tree, is actually stressful for a highly sensitive person. We give our children four gifts: a toy, a book, a clothing item, and an art tool. We tell them Jesus only got three (gold, frankincense, and myrrh), so four is an awful lot.

5. Make time for quiet prayer and reflection.

This goes along with #1. I don't want to suggest that you take away everything that makes Christmas special. Rather, I'm suggesting that you make it special in a way the world often forgets. Coincidentally, this is a way that many highly sensitive people embrace. A few moments of reading the Bible aloud to your child or cuddling them on your lap with a cup of cocoa and a book about the Nativity, will almost definitely be more special to them than trekking through the mall to sit on Santa's lap or waiting in crowded lines at stores blasting jingle-bell-enhanced pop music.

Those of you who have experience with highly sensitive children, what are your tips for helping them thrive?

To everyone: have a blessed, happy, and peaceful Thanksgiving!