How to be a Writer-Mama; Things I Wish I'd Known Way Back When

 I started writing my first novel when I was newly pregnant with Baby #1. So my entire writing life has been defined, as it were, by being a writer-mama. I like to think I manage the balance pretty well (some days better than others, of course). Some of you, who may not have had the luxury of starting a family at 20, have had glorious months and years of developing a writing routine sans-baby--and the new arrival can make for a tricky transition. Here are some tips to get you started on that brave, new world.

1. So you've got one baby. Have another. Seriously, seriously, seriously. I can't stress how much easier it is to have two kids than just one. If you're up for the adventure, four is also much easier than three--and I can't wait to find out how easy six will be. :)

2. Find mothers to support you in your mothering journey--but don't forget your writing support system. If you write for kids, you're really lucky, because it probably means the members of your writing group like kids. We brought our babies to our local SCBWI meetings for a few years; at first we thought it would be tough to keep them busy. Ha. It was actually like walking into a room full of thirty babysitters. Not only were they extremely tolerant of baby noises, they'd even go so far as to take turns crawling around on the floor or offering a purse for a toddler to rummage through. (Interesting fact: writers carry cool things around in their purses. )

3. Make a space of your own. Even if it's just a corner of a hall or a specific cozy chair, it really helps to have a place where you can be alone.

Having a chair actually made for adults is a plus, but not a must.

4. (For the record, these may not be numbered in exact order of importance.) Eat. It's easy to forget feeding yourself when you've got a peeping little birdy-mouth to worry about, but I've discovered through grim experience that the brain actually needs food to work properly. Go figure.

5. Sleep. See above for reasoning. Take naps with your baby.

6. Only read excellent books to your children. Here's the thing: the words you read aloud become more ingrained in your mind than the ones you read silently. (I'm pretty sure this is scientific fact, but I'm just going on experience.) Analyze all the bad literature you want on your own, but try to stick to writing you admire when you're reading aloud. This may or may not mean chucking half the books you received as baby shower gifts into the trash...but it'll be worth it. You don't even want to know how long it took me to get Count with Dora out of my head. Also, your kids will grow up with cool vocabularies, and you can turn heads at the grocery store when they tell the cashier, "How do you do? It's such a lovely day. Your hair looks splendid. Your necklace is so elegant. Perhaps I'll see you again the next time we're here. I'm eager to go home and have lunch," and the like.

7. Just keep writing. Don't put it aside until mothering is over. Besides the fact that that day will be a long time in coming, it is so important for your children to see you writing--developing your talents, pursuing your dreams, sticking to it even at its hardest moments. Because that's what you want them to do, right?

8. Multi-task. I type while I'm nursing--I pretty much never type with two hands anymore. My four-year-old recently told me, "Mama, when I grow up, I want to be just like you. I want to write stories and nurse babies." :)

The Young Mother, by Charles West Cope

9. Don't multi-task. I know, I know. I'm contradicting myself. But even though it's so cliché it's growing mold, "this time passes so quickly" is true. You may have more babies, but you can never get this child's babyhood back, and you're going to miss it. Don't fritter it away. Enjoy staring at your baby's toes. Or smelling the milky scent of her skin. Don't just use it as an excuse--but remember that the book can usually wait.

10. Remember what [either C.S. Lewis or John Trainer, depending on whose Pinterest graphic you believe] said: "Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work." Be a writer-mama because you want to give your children the gift of your words and stories, the example of seeing you as a creative person. Don't be a writer "despite" them.